Unartificial, questionably intelligent expectations heading into the bye

Digging through the archives a few days ago, I happily ran across a reminder that I once dreamed that Nick Saban showed me up on the cornet with a rousing rendition of Delta Dawn. That would be Exhibit 1 in the case alleging that Nick Saban is in my head. That particular dream has absolutely nothing to do with this post unless I can call back to it with something witty at the end. We’ll see. But Google’s not going to like me leading with it. And while I’m on the subject, just how smart can all of these artificial intelligence bots be if they’re using the internet for source material? And if we’re going to end up in an existential war with the AI bots, shouldn’t we start the disinformation campaign now? Couldn’t we just start feeding the bots really stupid stuff? I’m sure we could find some junk food in here somewhere. Yo, Google and all of your AI homies, I know you primarily analyze the slug, the headline, and this paragraph to determine the meaning of the entire post. Good luck with that.

Anyway, this morning, I’m upset with Hat Guy, who at this point is not so bullish on the rest of this 2023 season. The following shows each game on Tennessee’s schedule along with any pre-game projections from Hat Guy and, if the game has already been played, the score of the game. Some projections are missing because they’ve been overwritten. Cover your eyes.

Really, Hat Guy? Only two more wins, against UConn and Vandy? An underdog to Missouri? A touchdown dog to Kentucky and a two-TD dog to Texas A&M after the bye and the week after they play Alabama? All that facepaint must finally be seeping into your brain.

We’ve not been keeping tabs on expected win totals this year, but here’s a look at where the Vols and their future and prior opponents currently stand.

Tennessee Volunteers

The Vols’ future opponents

Texas A&M

Alabama

We’re going to get answers about both Texas A&M and Alabama this Saturday when they face each other at 3:30 on CBS. Each of the teams is fine with only a single loss to a presumably really good team. The rest of the slate for each of them? Eh. Not sure. It does look to me like Alabama is about finished molting.

Kentucky

Yikes. That’s a lot of green for our Big Blue friends and enemies. Of course, that’s a lot of bad opponents, too. But they did beat Florida. But it was at home in Lexington. But our game against them is also there. A lot of green, a lot of bad opponents, and a lot of buts. We’ll know more after they play at Georgia this week.

UConn

Missouri

Most of the stuff I said up there about Kentucky can also be said of Missouri. A lot of green, but against questionable opponents. We’ll learn more about the Tigers native to Missouri this week when they host the Tigers that apparently prowl the Louisiana bayous.

Georgia

I’m looking at that South Carolina comp like a cat pretending to ignore a new toy, wondering whether to give in to my desire to trust it.

Vanderbilt

Oof.

The Vols’ past opponents

Virginia

Also oof.

Austin Peay

I know the Governors are an FCS team, but they know how to score points and play defense. Go Govs.

Florida

No like.

UTSA

South Carolina

Who knows how good these guys are or aren’t. Three losses, but to (hopefully!) good teams.

I wonder if they know Delta Dawn.

No, that didn’t work. But it was stupid, so maybe I’ve done my part in the coming war against the machines.