Below is a look at Tennessee’s national stat rankings side-by-side with the corollary rankings for the Alabama Crimson Tide. You can probably guess that it’s not good news, but we have dressed it up in pretty colors because it helps the medicine go down.
The short version, for those who like needles more than pharmacies, is that Tennessee has zero advantages on offense and what amounts to a tie in only one category on defense (with the rest decisively in the Tide’s favor). The Vols do actually have better rankings in special teams and penalties, though, so there’s that.
Details below.
Vols on offense
Well, this is no good at all. When the Vols have the ball, they are at a serious disadvantage in . . . everything. The biggest problem, of course, is that Tennessee’s Scoring Offense is in the Bottom 30, while Alabama’s Scoring Defense is in the Top 15. Woo. The Tide defense also has an appetite for interceptions that the Vols are all too willing to Door Dash directly to them. It’s going to be a long day for the Vols offense.
Vols on defense
Well, this is no good at all, either. Although Tennessee has its own healthy appetite for interceptions, Tide quarterback Tua Tagovailoa is a selfish, selfish man with the ball. Beyond that, Alabama’s much better on every down and in every category. Woo.
Special teams
We interrupt this downer to bring you good tidings: Tennessee has a better punter than Alabama. The Vols are also marginally better in most special teams categories. So, the gameplan is to brainstorm an innovative new strategy to play the entire game on special teams. I hope they got an early start on that.
Turnovers and penalties
Alabama commits more penalties than Tennessee does. Nah-na-na-na-na-na. Alabama’s better in the turnover game. Boo.
Bama commits more penalties eh? I always new they was cheaters…
I think we should just line up the Special Teams and let them go at it. Skip the offense and defense part of the game 😉 Go Vols!
Dear Nick: I know I told you that I thought all Bama fans should embrace the EE&E model. No, I understand you figured out that EE&E was a polite way to say something naughty (Eat Excrement & Expire).
In spite of that, would you mind keeping the score under 50? You can still smoke the stogie after the game. Come to think of it, that sounds like it ought to be something naughty as well (thanks, Sigmund Freud).