Two years ago, I was in my basement watching the Vols take on the Gators in The Swamp. They were ahead by 13 late in the fourth quarter, and I turned to my wife and kids and explained to them that it would take an extraordinary lapse of unimaginable proportions for Tennessee to lose the game. Hey, I was excited, because I’d been waiting for that moment from the time my oldest daughter was nine to the time she was 19.
You know how that ended. Multiple fourth down conversions and an extraordinary lapse of unimaginable proportions in the form of a miraculous (for Florida) touchdown on fourth-and-14 to give the Gators a one point lead and the win. It was crushing.
This evening, as I was watching the team finally wear out the Gators with John Kelly in the fourth quarter, I turned to my middle daughter and explained to her that all we had to do was run Kelly until he was in the end zone, and we’d win the game. I had a serious case of deja vu the entire time, though, because I was standing in the same position looking in the same direction feeling the same way about the Vols-Gators game that I had two years prior. We were in a commercial break, so I sat down and thought about it: What in the world would I do if the unimaginable and miraculous happened again? I only got as far as planning a long, hot shower before we were back from commercial and I was consoling myself with a game-tying field goal, figuring that we would be favored to win in overtime.
You know how that ended. A long pass into the end zone with time expired and watching the Gators celebrate a win over the Vols again.
So, what do you do after a soul-crushing loss to a hated rival? A few suggestions:
What to do after a soul-crushing loss to a hated rival
Eat some ice cream. I just finished a bowl of Blue Bell Rocky Mountain Road. Chocolate ice cream with chocolate-covered peanuts, pecans, almonds, and walnuts with a marshmallow swirl. It is delicious, even if it is named after those other mountains way out in Colorado. If you eat enough of it, it also has the added benefit of inducing a sugar coma, and it’s hard to remember traumatic events in that state. Really, all you want is more ice cream, so it’s a self-perpetuating cure.
Eat some jalapeno Fritos. I first found these on a recent trip up to Iowa, and I think I ate them all the way from Indianapolis to Waterloo. They’re Fritoey but not so much that it tastes like you’re licking your dog’s paws. They’re also spicy enough to keep you eating long past the point you really would like to stop, so it keeps your mind occupied with important questions like, “Why can’t I stop eating these?”
Go sit on the porch swing with your six-year-old. This took some effort, to be honest, but it was aided by my littlest one asking me, “Are you mad?” right after the game like she was afraid I was mad at her. I don’t know, honey, are you a Gators fan? No? Okay, then.
Just kidding. I didn’t give her that litmus test. Besides, she’s small enough that we still choose her clothes, so she wears orange, darnit.
Anyway, we got some fresh air and a change of scenery out on the deck, and we were visited by the neighborhood stray cat. Omi loves that stupid cat. And she doesn’t really care about soul-crushing defeats to rival teams, so if I hadn’t already been in a sugar and Frito coma, I would have probably recognized this as a perspective or something. As it went, we stayed out there for five minutes until my cravings compelled me back into the kitchen.
Listen to the players. No joke, I am constantly amazed at the maturity college football players display in the wake of heart-wrenching losses. You can tell they’re disappointed, but they already have their minds right, pointed toward the next day, the next practice, the next opponent. Don’t let one opponent beat you twice. Unless it’s jalapeno Fritos, then it’s fine.
Watch some other games. This will make you realize that (1) you’re not the only one who’s had a rough day, and (2) there’s still a lot of season left. As I write this, Kentucky is leading South Carolina 20-13 late in the fourth quarter. LSU (#12) just got mauled by Mississippi State. Can you imagine how you’d have felt to lose by 30 to the Gators? UCLA got beat by unranked Memphis. Kansas State got beat by unranked Vanderbilt. Missouri looked terrible against Purdue.
These things remind you that we’re one game into the SEC season. Missouri doesn’t look good. South Carolina’s impressive start is in jeopardy. Maybe Kentucky and Vandy are okay. Florida won today, but their non-score and non-turnover numbers aren’t going to be better than Tennessee’s. When we recalibrate win probabilities Monday, that LSU game is going to take a hit and might even look winnable. Yes, Georgia still looks good, but that’s nothing that more ice cream and jalapeno Fritos can’t fix.